


Animosity of the Magi - Dissociation

by Orion (g0at)



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ableism, Canon-Typical Violence, Dissociation, Fantastic Racism, Frisk kinda loses it, Monster!Frisk, NarraChara, Oneshot, Other, Shitty library books, altfic, crackfic, not at all canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 20:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8300041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g0at/pseuds/Orion
Summary: Chapter 10 of "Animosity of the Magi" if I wanted things to go very, VERY off the rails.But I don't want things to go that far off the rails.  So instead, I'm posting freaky-ass-chapter-10 here, as its own standalone thing.  This is a classic example of we don't try to write a chapter:In 3 hoursWithout looking at our notesWithout any real restraint





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Life on the Outside](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6048409) by [Orion (g0at)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/g0at/pseuds/Orion). 



> Actual-chapter-10 will come out... Later. This is just me posting a weird, un-edited THING.
> 
> The ACTUAL story- you know, the one that human beings are meant to read, can be found here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/6048409/chapters/13867516

A blue flash startles you out of your thoughts.  Sans.

“heya, kiddo.  sorry for the wait.  i was just scoping things out back at the hotel.”

“…And?”

“it’s fine.  nothin’ to worry about.”

“Good, we can get back.  I have a crowded itinerary, and I really can’t afford any delays.”

“nah.”

“What do you mean, no?  Why can’t I go back?  You said that there’s everything’s fine.”

“i said there was nothin’ to worry about.  for you, anyway.  your bro’s still tied up with the murder case, and i ain’t letting you out in the city alone.  ‘specially not when there’s a killer on the loose.”

“You could always come with me, if you’re so frightened for me.  Not that you need to be.  Sans, I can look out for myself.  If something goes wrong, I can always LOA- oh.”

“yeah.  if you die, it’s game over for real.  so, uh, try to be a lil’ more careful.  no more crazy, fire-and-brimstone speeches about how the ‘evil humans’ are gonna kill us all.  you know how people feel about those.”

“Well it’s true!”

“buddy, pal…  humans aren’t all bad.  hell, you were human yesterday, right?  c’mon.  drop the crazy grudge, ok?”

“I’m not ‘dropping it.’”

“your dad killed six kids, and you dropped that.”

You clench your jaw.  The asshole knows exactly how to push your buttons.

“It had to be done.  And besides, they were just a bunch of hu-”

Sans holds up a bony hand and fixes you with a dangerous glare.

“i’m just gonna stop yah before you start talking about how it’s ok to kill kids, because that’s really, really messed up.  ‘specially coming from you.” 

_He is just afraid of the truth.  The surface has made him go soft.  He refuses to understand that his happiness is built on the graves of forgotten children.  The six deaths were a small sacrifice._

**_I know.  I don’t need to be reminded of that._ **

_Good._

You sigh and rest your head on your hands.    

“There’s no point in arguing about this, is there?  You’ve got your viewpoint; I’ve got mine.  Let’s just get back to the surface so I can get back to work.”

“hmm…  nah.” 

“You can watch over me, if you’re really that worried.”

“…later.  if i feel like it.”

 

“You can’t keep me trapped down here, Sans.  I’ll go back through Waterfall and Hotland myself, if I have to.”

“and what happens when you get to the surface?  the conference is halfway around the world, and it’s a long hike to the nearest airport.  i’m your ticket outta here.” 

You curse under your breath because he’s right and you really, really don’t want to be trapped in the underground any longer than is necessary.  There’s too many bad memories, too many broken promises, too much dust spilled.  You can’t confront that, no matter how much you tell yourself that it was all necessary for saving Asriel.

“So you’ve got me where you want me.  What was it that you want to do?”

“talk about stuff.  ‘specially about you and humans.”

“I don’t want to discuss that any further.”

“too bad.  we’re talking about it.  i can’t let you go back up there and start talking about how monsters are the _master race_ , or whatever else you’ve got up your sleeve.  ain’t happening.”

“Why not?  It’s true, isn’t it?  Monster SOULs are made of love and kindness and-”

“and sugar and spice and everything nice, sure.  where’d you even hear that?”

“…I read it in a book.  In the Snowdin library.”

Sans makes a choking noise and slaps one hand in front of his mouth, one hand on his nonexistent stomach.  A shaky laugh forces its way out of his clenched teeth.

“are you- pffffffft…  are you kidding me?  that’s- _that’s_ your source?  that’s the reason you’re ok with killing humans?”

“It seemed like a perfectly reasonable source.”

“heheheh.  oh, man.  that’s hilarious.  the- heheh- the biggest bigot in the goddamn kingdom, and it’s because of a shitty old _propaganda book_ in a library that can’t even spell its own name right.  ho-ly _shit_.” 

He shakes his head and slaps the table, shoulders shaking with the exertion of his own laughter.    

“wow.  kid…  congrats.  you just made my day- nah, you just made my _year_.  _‘love and kindness!’_   **_‘love and kindness!’_** do you have any idea, a _ny idea_ how crazy that is?”

_He is lying.  He is lying.  He is lying.  He is lying.  He is-_

“and i thought that you had some legitimate beef with humans.  like, i dunno, they killed your old family or something.  but nah.  shitty library book.  i know that you were a little kid when you found this stuff, but _come on_ , frisk, you’re better than that.  shouldn’t you have figured out when, oh, i dunno, the captain of the royal guard tried to _spear you to death_?” 

“Undyne- Undyne was right to try and kill me.  As far as she knew, I was standing in the way of everyone’s hopes and dreams.  If- if my death was really the only way for everyone to go free, then I’d gladly die.”

 

Sans’s eyes go wide for a moment. 

“kiddo.”

“I’ve- I’ve reset so many times, gone through the underground so many times, that I don’t really remember what my life was like before all of this.  It- it feels sometimes like I was born in that patch of golden flowers back in the Ruins.  I…  I don’t even know if I had a family before all of this, or why I climbed mount Ebbot.  All I remember was that my life before meeting you guys was…  Bad.  That’s the feeling I get.  Maybe I didn’t have a family, or maybe that family didn’t want me- what I know is that nobody really cared for me.  I- I get the feeling, Sans, that humans are _evil_.  There’s these memories- maybe they’re memories, maybe they’re dreams- that they did something _terrible_ to me before- but maybe those are Chara’s memories and I just hate humanity for no reason, or maybe it’s because Chara and I are really the same person and Chara’s just, like, my alter-ego or-”

_Just because it is your body does not mean that I am totally irrelevant._

Sans places a hand on your shoulder and grips firmly.

“kiddo.  c’mon.  snap out of it.  you’re not making any sense.”

 “Or maybe…  Maybe I’m Chara.  Maybe that’s it.  Maybe ‘Frisk’ is just an identity I built up in my head to stop my guilt.  Maybe I wasn’t born in the flowers, but _reborn_ , maybe that’s why I care so much about Asriel- because I’m…  Because I’m…”

_…Because you are me?_

“frisk, i have _no idea_ what you’re talkin’ about, but it doesn’t sound good.  whoever the hell ‘chara’ is- unless that’s, i dunno, an old name of yours or somethin’- i’m pretty sure that you’re not them.  c’mon.  buddy.  you know i don’t like it when you cry.” 

_…Truthfully, I have no record of your memories before the fall, either.  It is technically possible that I simply suffer from some sort of…  Dissociative disorder…  And that we are indeed one consciousness…  Highly unlikely.  Frisk.  You are you.  And I am me.  We are not each other.  Now stop being a crybaby; Asriel needs our help._

**_But what if I’m right?  What if I’m just…  You?  What if I’m an alternate personality and this really is YOUR happy ending?  What if…  What if I’m not real?  The only memories I have of before- those are your memories, Chara, we both know that- or I guess it’s just you that knows that since I’m not real…  Chara, I didn’t forget because I HAVE NOTHING TO FORGET.  I’m- I’m just a figment of your imagination.  That’s it.  That’s all I am._ **

_…_

**_What if- what if I just start acting and thinking like you?  Will that- maybe that’ll fix this.  Yeah.  If- if we become the same, then- then I’ll- then you’ll- be cured._ **

_I would really rather that you did not emulate me in your little ritual of self-denial._

**_But don’t you see?  Chara, I- it’s impossible for me to emulate you because I am you and you are me and- and WE’RE Chara.  I can’t emulate myself.  I’m just…  Being true to myself.  That’s all._ **

_…I did not know that the mind could be broken so thoroughly.  Intriguing, and terrifying._

**_I…  I can fix this._ **

_There is nothing to fix, you idiot._

**_Why am I calling myself an idiot?_ **

_YOU HAVE A CONFERENCE TOMORROW, FRISK.  PULL.  YOURSELF.  TOGETHER._

**_I should really stop referring to myself as Frisk.  After all…_ **

**_D e s p i t e  e v e r y t h i n g ,  i t ‘ s  m e ,  C H A R A ._ **

“KIDDO!  fuck!  c’mon!  stop shaking and staring at nothing and _come back._ ”

You put on a big smile- you’re such a good smiler, aren’t you, **_~~CHARA?~~_**  

“I remember, Sans.  I remember everything.”

The skeleton inches backwards.

“this isn’t normal.  i- i gotta go get tori.  she’ll know what to do.  just…  sit tight, yeah, frisk?  i- fuck- i’ll be right back ,uh…”

“’Frisk’ was simply a figment of my imagination.  It all makes sense, now.  The reason ‘Frisk’ could not remember their past was because I had never imagined one for them.”

“you’re- uh- you’re just…  dissociating or something.  god, tori’s gonna kill me…”

“I was such a **coward** , Sans.  Of course, you know about cowardice, too, do you not?  How many times did you refuse to face me in the judgement hall?”

“ok…  just…  sit here and try not to get worse, i guess, i don’t really…  don’t really know what to do.  tori’s the one who knows how kids work.  yeah.  she’ll fix you.”

You tilt your head to the side.

“What do you mean, ‘fix?’  I am finally whole again.”

_No, no you are not.  STOP before things get any worse._

**_I need to learn to stop thinking about myself in the second person.  It is not a healthy habit._ **

“I want to see Asriel.  As **_~~myself~~_** , not as ‘Frisk.’  He deserves to speak to his best friend, after all these years.”

“shit, shit, why can’t i find my shortcut?  gotta just calm down, calm down…”

“Please, Sans.  Take me with you.”

“kiddo, let go of my arm.”

“The ‘please’ was a formality.  That was an order.  Take.  Me.  To.  My.  Family.”

_YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE THAT YOU CANNOT UNDO._

“shit, fine, alright!  maybe being down here is what’s doing this to you.  yeah, yeah, just gotta get you to the surface…  aaaaand…  there.  ok.  cool.  let’s go.”

Your muscles tremor **_~~with excitement~~_** , but you stay in control. 

As the void closes in around you, you realize:

**_~~It smells like buttercups.~~ _ **


End file.
